An inside guide to the people of Stockholm

Stockholm was founded by a coexisted group of male Vikings and Amazonian female warriors in 1250 and consists of four different areas; Södermalm, Östermalm, Vasastan, and Kungsholmen. The outside parts, known as suburbs, might technically be a part of Stockholm but is only considered as such by the people living there and not by the real Stockholmare [the Swedish word for a person living in Stockholm] who live within any of the four areas listed above.

All these different areas have very important and specific characteristics – that goes for the people living there as well as for the area as a whole.
                     
On Södermalm you most likely work at an advertising agency and listen to indie music. If you are a female it is very probable that your role model is Robyn. Your political vote always ends up on the left side even though it would benefit you economically to vote more conservative. You were able to buy your apartment since your middle class parents put in the money for it. Since you, on the contrary to them, are a bit of rebel you decided to move to Södermalm and you only come home once every year for Christmas. Regardless if you are male or female you dress a lot like Waldo and rarely put on a suit. You also find it important to wear glasses at all times – if your vision is perfectly clear you wear them anyway. Other important characteristics is that you feel strongly for the environment, your favorite time of the year is the fall, you hate the Royal family, and you don’t tell your friends that you go to the gym even if you do so. You are also most likely a vegetarian, cheer for Hammarby, and feel strongly for Italian football, even though deep inside you think their style of play is slow and boring.  
                     
On Östermalm we find the nemesis of the Södermalmare [name for a person living in Södermalm]. An Östermalmare comes from a wealthy family and most likely studied economics or law in school. If you were lucky you got your degree at Handelshögskolan, if you were not you got it at Stockholm University, but that’s something you keep quiet about. You dress a lot like Patrick Bateman or Ebba von Sydow even though you have no idea on which one is a made-up-character and who is not. You always spend your Saturday night around Stureplan with a glass of champagne in your hand; if you are a woman you don’t need to pay for your drinks, they come for free. The highest dream of a young Östermalmare is to date Princess Madeleine, and if you have the right surname you might get your chance. The females have at least once in their lives administrated a blog about fashion and hooked up with Bingo Rimér. Perhaps in Humlegården. You listen to radio music and tell other people that you cheer for Djurgården but to be honest you haven’t been to a game in more than ten years.                
                     
Vasastan is the place to live if you are not indie enough for Södermalm or posh enough for Östermalm but still have enough money to buy an apartment within the city limits. Vasatan is the Switzerland of Stockholm – it’s very neutral. If you are in search of having a good time you are at the wrong place. You can’t really visit any clubs, restaurants, or bars here because there are none. Vasastan only exists of apartments and service shops where you can get help tailoring your pants or fix your flat bicycle tire. 

The fourth and final part of Stockholm is Kungsholmen. Regarding Kungsholmen I can’t really tell anything because if you don’t live there you don’t and won’t go there.

If you by now don’t know what irony and satire is I won’t be able to help you.

To be frank there is only one thing to know about Stockholm – stand on the right side when riding the escalator. 

Now take care and treat everybody equal regardless if they are Norwegian, Trinidad and toboggans, Östermalmare, or just any citizen of a planet called Earth.

Love one another